When You
by lespetitesmorts
Summary: An expansion on two of my Rizzles Ficlets. Jane confesses her amourous feelings for Maura. Maura's engaged... to Ian. Will it end well, or will Rizzles be merely a fond fantasy? A/N: Last chapter's been posted. Thanks for bearing with me and staying along for the ride.
1. Tell Me I'm a Wreck

Trees blurred by in her peripheral vision, knees weakening with every passing step. She thought she could do this. She'd convinced herself that she could stand by and be the best friend while Maura married Ian.

She'd never been more wrong in her life. It'd eaten away at her, more so every day as the wedding drew closer. She's smiled and faked her way through dress fittings and finding caterers and Maura's constant need to prattle on about something else Ian did spectacularly. The pit of jealousy seemed a permanent fixture in her gut.

Shortly after Maura's announcement, the detective had taken up running regularly. And by regularly, she runs during every spare moment. If she's not on a case, asleep, or helping Maura with something, she and Jo (and sometimes even the dog is too worn out to run with her, like tonight) will take off for hours. It's the only thing that's kept her sane. When she's running, she can tune everything out. It's just her breathing and the pavement; there's no wedding, there's no unrequited love, there's no noose tightening around her neck.

As a result, she's lost a lot of weight that she couldn't really afford to lose. She's almost deathly skinny, but her muscles are primed and her skin tanned from the hours spent outside. No one knows there's anything wrong, but this is one problem even Jane can't outrun.

Her legs burn. She's been out here running for longer than ever before; a true feat of endurance. She started as soon as she'd changed after getting home at seven and now it's close to four. Her heart and lungs ache for different reasons and that's when she realises where she is: Beacon Hill. Even subconsciously, she's drawn to the doctor.

The jealousy and loss are back with a vengeance, vying for position within her slender body. She can feel the tears threaten to appear in her eyes and that's when she knows: she can't do this. She can't stand by and watch Maura tie the knot with that man who waltzes in and out of her life like he owns it, without a thought to the pain he puts her through.

Her legs burn. But they carry her toward that familiar driveway, paying no heed to the fact that her shirt's soaked through and she looks like a wreck.

She is a wreck. She's _been_ a wreck, for the past several months.

There are no lights on, but she knows it doesn't matter. Maura will come to the door for her. Her limbs are quivering from over-exertion even as her hand taps at the door. One by one, dim lights appear through the frosted glass and then Maura's there in front of her, half asleep.

"Jane?" The concern in her voice almost makes her lose it.

"Hi Maur, I just – I need to talk," the words are barely more than a whisper and her eyes refuse to meet the doctor's.

"What's going on? It's four a.m., are you alright?" she can feel Maura's eyes searching her for answers.

"You can't marry Ian," she blurts and feels Maura freeze.

Speak of the devil. "Honey? Are you okay?" the distinctly male voice comes through the gap between the door and the jamb.

Maura doesn't take her eyes of her as she replies, "I'm fine, it's okay." She closes the door behind her softly so now they're both on the front step.

Jane looks everywhere but at Maura. If she looks at Maura, she'll lose her nerve and she has to get this out before it's too late; before she regrets never saying anything for the rest of her life.

"What are you talking about? Why?" Maura's confusion is obvious and for a split second, Jane rethinks her confession. But she's here and it's been killing her slowly and she needs to be able to live with herself in the future.

"Because," Jane says, raspier than ever. She's choking on her emotions, the lump in her throat, the constriction in her chest.

"Because why?" Maura asks and she takes a small step toward Jane.

Jane lifts her head at the small movement, but her eyes meet the hazel of the medical examiner's and she's done, a goner. She leans forward and presses a hesitant kiss to Maura's lips. She gets bolder and presses still more firmly before realising that her best friend is shocked into holding still. She jerks her head away and looks down at the ground again, unsure of how to explain what just happened. Looking up, she tries to find the words, but Maura's just staring at her like she's never seen her before and any words Jane might have said are lost.

It takes her by surprise when she feels a hand on her neck and then those beautiful, luscious lips against hers once more. The kiss is insistent and there are hands in her hair, her own hands on Maura's shirt covered back. They're pulling each other closer and Jane fights hard to ignore the need to breathe. All she can feel is the need and desire that has haunted her for what seems like forever.

And then they pull away at the same time, resting their foreheads together and everything that has just occurred speeds through Jane's mind. Her actions catch up to her and the panic and fear she feels takes over everything.

"Oh God," she says in disbelief. "Oh God, I – I gotta go." It's obvious that she's on the verge of tears; the cadence of her voice changing slightly. She can't look at Maura; she can't take the question she knows will be there in those gorgeous, expressive, God-forsaken eyes. She runs, taking off at a sprint, desperate to put as much distance between herself and her best friend, if she's even that anymore.

Her legs burn. She stumbles up the stairs to her apartment, utterly spent and drained. It's almost six. Jo whines as Jane staggers through the door, following the detective to the bedroom. She should shower, but she can't find the energy. Her bed is more than inviting, so she collapses on top of the covers without bothering to take her shoes off. Jo hops up onto the bed and then lays beside her, trying to help but not quite knowing how.

Reluctantly, she plucks her phone from her pocket, intently ignoring the various missed calls and texts from what's sure to be a pissed off and confused pathologist. She sends the same text to Frost and Korsak, saying she's ill and won't be in. Then she chucks it across the room, lazily. She barely hears the crash before she's drifting off on a tidal wave of exhaustion.


	2. Don't Make Me Confess

She'd been hiding out in her apartment almost a full day, but she should've expected Maura not to let her be after their early morning encounter. The knocking at her door didn't surprise her, though she did ignore it. Instead, she walked into her closet and huddled into a corner just as her front door opened.

"Jane?" Maura sounded about as exhausted as Jane was feeling. Saying nothing, she listened carefully to the soft footsteps treading across the floor of her front room.

"Jane?" Maura called again, now just outside the bedroom door.

Jane held her breath.

The closet opened and Jane squeezed her eyes shut, desperately hoping to blend into the framework of the walls.

"I can see you, you know." She felt the air shift as Maura crouched down beside her. She gulped.

"I called in sick today. You should probably leave before you catch what I've got." Jane wasn't exactly in the mood to be delicate. She opened her eyes only to meet the blazing gaze of one very disgruntled medical examiner.

"You and I both know you aren't sick. What's going on Jane? What was that last night?" Maura sat on the floor, blocking the only exit. Her earnest, searching stare made the green in her hazel eyes more prominent. Jane's breath caught in her throat.

Maura shuffled closer, placing a placating hand on Jane's knee. "Talk to me."

Jane sighed and rubbed her palms. "Maur, do me a favour and just forget everything that happened earlier, okay? I was momentarily nuts and in my lapse of sanity, I did something I should definitely not have. Can we please just leave it at that?" The plea in her voice was weak and vulnerable, even to her own ears. She hated it.

Maura's shoulders slumped and Jane felt an unsettling combination of relief and trepidation. Then Maura's spine straightened and a fierce determination crashed through her eyes. "No."

The word snapped any sense of control Jane had thought she'd had over the situation and the flood gates opened with purpose, tears decorating her cheeks. "Please," she whispered softly, begging desperately.

"No," Maura repeated. "You tell me not to marry Ian, you kiss me, and then you run away from me, from _me_; I think I deserve an explanation."

Jane shook her head. "I take it all back. You love Ian; you should marry him. And kissing you was a mistake that I wish I'd never made." _Because now I can't get over the memory of feeling your lips on mine_. Jane shrugged, "As for the running, I was in the middle of a jog when I stopped by your place. I had to get back to it."

"I think those may be the most flimsy, ridiculous, lying excuses you've ever given me, Jane," Maura stated, calling her on her bullshit. "I want answers Jane. I want to know: why I shouldn't marry Ian, why you were jogging at four in the morning, and why you've lost so much weight." She paused, "And I am not leaving until I get them."

"I got home from work and went for a run, tried to blow off a little steam and clear my head. That's all. And I haven't lost that much weight," Jane lied, staring intently at her hands. She could feel the frustration pouring off of Maura in huge, cascading waves, so she wasn't surprised when the doctor's hand moved from her knee to her face, angling it toward her.

She _was_ surprised when she felt those sinful lips against hers for the third time in twenty four hours and her eyes closed automatically. Oh, she knew this would hurt when it was over, knew that it would only serve to make everything even more difficult, but she couldn't have given up the chance to feel like that again.

Maura was the one to pull away, but she didn't go far. Lips a few millimetres apart, "Just tell me the truth, Jane," she whispered.

Jane's eyes didn't open, but she softly said, "I can't, Maur. It's not fair to you."

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that?" Maura asked, stroking the detective's cheek with a fingertip.

Jane sighed and opened her eyes; the view of her best friend so close in front of her made her heart beat frantically increase. There was no way around it. "Okay, Maur. Have it your way, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Maura grinned at the victory. "Why were you really running at four a.m.?"

Jane nodded, this she could answer. "I wasn't lying before. I had a lot on my mind and I needed to forget everything."

Maura was shaking her head before Jane had even finished explaining. "No, I mean what were you trying to forget."

Pulse racing rapidly, eyes darting everywhere but in front of her, Jane responded, "That I'm in love with you."

And suddenly everything fell into place for Maura. At last, she understood the not-quite-genuine smiles the detective shoved on her face when doing anything wedding related. "Is that why you've lost so much weight?" she asked, concerned at the living skeleton who was her best friend.

Jane merely nodded, still tense and waiting for a reaction.

"Is that why I shouldn't marry Ian?"

Jane shook her head vehemently. "No! I would never – no. That's an entirely different can of worms. I would never be that dismissive of your feelings for him; I couldn't do that to you. If you felt like you had to choose between the two of us, it would tear you apart. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Then why?" Maura asked, painstakingly confused.

"Maur," Jane said softly, lovingly. "He doesn't deserve you. He's kept you on a string for _years_. He's been a hurricane blowing into and out of your life a few days at a time when it suits him. Never once did he consider the possibility that you wanted him to stay. Never once did he think he should be here for _you_. He asked you to marry him four months ago during a two-day stint. Now he's back for three days, trying to fit all the wedding planning into seventy-two hours. That's just the way he works and you don't deserve to be treated like you're a consolation prize."

Frankly, Maura was a little shocked that Jane was so forthcoming and honest with her. It was then that she realised that something had been missing in their friendship since the news broke: Jane's truthfulness. "You don't treat me like a consolation prize," Maura stated, surprised when she discovered just how true that sentence was.

"I never could. You're like the lottery jackpot; elusive, enticing, and way out of my league. I'm grateful for every single minute you choose to spend with me because I know that one day, the minutes will stop. I know that you'll see just how much time you've wasted with me. And when that day comes, I won't make a scene. I have nothing to hold you here with. I'll let you go and then I'll try to remember the time where I lived without you and I'll probably turn into a mess, but I'll be a happy, miserable mess because you'll be happy wherever you are and that's all I've ever wanted." Jane's confession gave them both a lot to ponder. They didn't say a word for several minutes.

Finally, Maura said, "Tell me." A pause. "Please."

Jane flexed her hands and stared at her scars before lifting her eyes to Maura's. "I love you."

Maura smiled and pecked Jane on the cheek. "Then I can't marry Ian."

The huge weight that's been tying Jane down is suddenly gone. The noose around her neck loosens and she finds it easier to breathe. There's one small sliver of guilt, one that she knows will probably stay with her for the rest of her life, but Maura's wrapped her arms around her and they're hugging and Jane just can't be bothered with the future right now.

Because Maura is here, with her, and it feels like perfection.


	3. Tell It Like It Is

Having forgotten all about the guy currently residing at her home, Maura had accepted Jane's invitation to stay for some ordered-in Chinese and television. It wasn't until an unfamiliar knock sounded on Jane's door that Maura remembered that one, tiny detail.

"Who the hell is that?" Jane asked, already moving to open the door. Maura didn't even have time to warn her before the tall humanitarian was bursting through the open door.

"Maura! Oh thank God, you're okay. I was so worried when you didn't show up to the appointment with the caterer and weren't answering your phone," he crossed the room within seconds, enveloping Maura in a large embrace, but the pathologist was too preoccupied with the still form of a certain detective, who still had yet to move, to respond.

"Hi, Ian. I'm sorry; it completely slipped my mind that we had that engagement," the mortification Maura was feeling came across as obvious, but Ian mistook it for apallment at her forgetfulness than sorrow at the fact that Jane had to witness this exchange. From the corner of her eye, Maura saw Jane shudder back into movement.

"You guys should probably get going. I'm sure you have lots of plans to finalise and whatnot." Jane said, staring at the couple. Maura tried to get Jane to focus solely on her, but the brunette was having none of it. How she wished she could be privy to what was going through her detective's mind.

"Right you are, Jane. Come along, Maura," he grasped Maura's hand and tugged her after him, but her heels dug into the floor.

"Ian, could you wait outside for a moment, please? There's something I need to discuss with Jane," she shuffled closer to the unreadable woman.

"Sure, love. I'll wait in the hall; try not to take too long. We have tons of things to do!" And with that, his back turned and he was gone.

Jane was staring after him through the closed door when Maura turned to face her. "Jane," she said and then paused, unsure of how to continue.

"It's fine, Maura. I get it. I'll still be there as your maid of honour, don't you worry," Jane took a deep breath, fighting to push a lid on top of the turmoil of emotion rolling around in her stomach. "You'd better go after him; the two of you have a bunch to get done before he leaves." She had aimed to sound detached and aloof, to separate herself from the situation. She succeeded.

"Jane-"

"Please, Maur. I think you need to leave. I'll get myself sorted out and everything will be as it once was. I'll take care of it." Jane assured her.

"But Jane, I-"

"Maura, your fiancé is waiting for you." Jane's tone turned adamant, her eyes impregnable.

After a moment's consideration, Maura nodded. "I'll be back later, then." She reached for the door and was halfway through it when she heard the soft voice at her back whisper, "Don't hurry."


	4. Make My Heart Your Home

The moment Jane saw their cars pull away from the curb, she tossed on her running gear. After a quick look at Jo to ascertain whether or not the canine would be joining her, she flew out the door, wrapping the leash around her wrist.

* * *

Across town, Maura parked her car and headed into the house. Ian was in the kitchen, talking animatedly on the phone to someone or another, negotiating a different meeting time when she walked in, so she leaned against the counter while he finished.

"Ian, I need to talk to you," the words were out of her mouth as soon as the phone moved from his ear.

"Sure, love, whatever you want. I just rearranged the appointment for tomorrow morning. I hope that's okay." He smiled and walked to where she stood. She took a step back.

"Okay. This is very important, Ian, and I would greatly appreciate it if we could handle this conversation calmly." She clasped her hands in front of her as his expression turned from amused to wary.

"You have my complete attention," he assured her.

Maura took a deep breath. "Ian, what are you even doing here?" The question took them both by surprise.

"I'm listening to something important you have to say?" his reply was full of confusion. Maura shook her head.

"No, I mean why are you here? Why did you ask me to marry you?"

Ian blinked. "I'm here and I asked you to marry me because I love you," his voice is unsure, like the question is a trick.

Maura laughed, "And where will you be tomorrow?"

"On a plane heading back to Africa, just as the plan's been for a while..."

With a nod, Maura watched the realisation touch his eyes. "You may love me, Ian, but you will always love your cause more. I loved you. I needed you here, and not just for a few days, but that's all I could get. It's all I thought I deserved. 'Queen of the Dead' has drawbacks."

"Maura-"

Maura shook her head at him, without breaking eye contact, "No, Ian. I think I'm just starting to figure out that maybe I deserve more." She removed the ring from her finger and holds it out to him. "I can't marry you, Ian."

His eyes were glued to the offering, but his lips said, "No, Maura. You keep it. I wouldn't want to give it to anyone else; it was made for you." He chuckled, "No one else would've wanted to marry me anyway."

"Ian, you know that's not-"

He raised a hand to stop her denial. "It is true, Maura, because you're right. My vocation will always come first, whether it should or not, and it's not fair to subject someone else to that kind of life if it's not what they want. I'm sorry for almost doing that to you."

"You know I believe in your cause."

He nodded. "I know you do; you're a good person, but you shouldn't have to suffer for my decisions." He swept a hand through his hair. "Guess I'm a bit of an idiot, hey?"

"Not at all," she replied as she slipped the ring into her pocket.

He contemplated her for a moment. "My plane's in a few hours, might as well get to the airport early. I imagine you want to get back to Jane's?"

The surprise on Maura's face is crystal-clear.

"Please don't insult my intelligence. It's a bit obvious now that I think about it. She's pretty spectacular, you know. I don't think that, in her place, I would've been able to handle the person I was in love with getting married to someone else _and_ have to assist with those very preparations." He paused with a cock of his head. "Quite remarkable and respectable, really."

"She's definitely something else," Maura agreed.

"Go on, then. I can show myself out," Ian urged, gesturing toward the door. Her hesitation was brief, but then she smiled and kissed him on the cheek before rushing out the door.

* * *

Jane limped back into her apartment, Jo trotting at her side, a couple hours later. She'd rolled her ankle going down a set of steps on her run, her legs still screaming from the torture they'd endured the night before. After releasing Jo from her leash, she hopped to the fridge for a bottle of water before making her way slowly to her bedroom.

This time, she did force herself to have a shower. She thought that maybe the hot water would help soothe her aching muscles and she was right.

Haphazardly, she dried herself off and stepped into some shorts and a tank before falling face first onto her bed and sinking into unconsciousness.


	5. Promise Me Always

Maura took a little longer on her way back to Jane's, after her discussion with Ian, to stop at the Italian delicatessen for some cannoli. She'd hoped that the combination of sugary confection and love declaration would be enough to get her detective back, because the woman who had bid her farewell earlier was a mere shadow of the one she loved.

She strode up to the familiar apartment door and knocked. Straining her ears to listen for any noise, she grew concerned at the lack of footsteps or Jo's nails clacking against the floor.

"Jane?" she called, already slipping a hand into her purse for the key. "Jane, I'm coming in."

The apartment was dark and empty. Maura's brow furrowed in concern as she quickly stepped out of her shoes and set her things on the counter. The door to the bedroom was half-open, and in the soft light coming through the window from the moon, it was easy to see Jane sprawled on the bed beside Jo. Her hair was damp and tangled, body quivering even in sleep.

Maura moved closer to the bed and softly pushed a few hairs away from Jane's face. _She's so beautiful_, Maura couldn't help but think.

Suddenly Jane twitched in her sleep, her arm reaching out across empty sheets. "Maur, no, please don't hate me. I hate it when you hate me. I hate _me_ when you hate me."

The utterly devastated quality in Jane's voice shattered Maura's heart. She climbed onto the bed and gently wrapped her arm around the detective. "Jane, I'm right here. I don't hate you. I love you." She stroked the damp hair trying to give comfort.

"Maur, no, I just want you to be happy. Please don't leave me. I can get over this, I swear. I'll be there early for your wedding and everything. I won't say a word when they ask for objections. Please, Maur!" Jane's voice pleaded with the phantom Maura and her body turned to curl into the real Maura's embrace. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Just don't go, please, don't leave me alone without you."

Tears were leaking from Maura's eyes at this point, and when she looked down at her desperate friend, she could see tears making tracks across those sharp cheekbones. "Jane, honey, I need you to wake up," she asked, rousing Jane slowly.

Jane startled into the state of half-dream, half-reality. She buried her nose into Maura's shoulder, convinced she was still in the nightmare. "I'm sorry, Maura. I love you like a friend, that's all I meant. I'm sorry I kissed you; I didn't mean to and I regret it. I regret all of it, Maur." She sniffled, "Go be happy with Ian, Maur. You two are great together, I mean it. Just don't forget about me, okay? Friday nights are still girls' nights."

Maura didn't even think about her actions before she did it. She simply pulled Jane's head carefully away from her shoulder and pressed her lips to Jane's. She pulled away a few moments later, but held her forehead against Jane's, not moving too far. "Jane, wake up. I'm right here, Jane. I'm right here and I love you. I want you. I'm in love with you. There is no Ian anymore, sweet girl, it's just you and me," Maura promised, willing Jane's eyes to open and meet her gaze.

Jane squeezed her eyes tightly closed as she replied, "No, Maura. You're not here. It's just my mind playing tricks on me again because I screwed up. I screwed up so bad and I ruined everything. I told you how I felt and I kissed you and now I can't forget about it. The feeling of your lips on mine are burned into my nerves and it's driving me crazy because I can't ever do it again. Because you're as good as an officially married woman, now, and I should've remembered that earlier." She took a deep breath to try and calm the racing pulse of her heart. "You'll call me tomorrow once Ian's back on a plane and I'll explain everything away and we'll be okay again. That's why I'm having this dream, right? Because I'm going to make everything okay again."

"Oh, Jane," Maura whispered, pulling her closer. "Open your eyes," she asked, but the brunette shook her head. "Please, Jane? For me?"

Then they were there, those beautiful brown eyes staring up at her, widening in shock. "No, you – you can't be here. My mind's just finally cracked and I'll be shipped off to an asylum pretty quick," Jane rambled, her eyes never leaving Maura's face.

"What do I have to do to convince you that I'm right here?" Maura questioned. "I'm not going anywhere, Jane, and I definitely don't hate you. I love you, Jane Clementine Rizzoli, and I am not leaving. I'm not getting married to Ian and _I am right here_." She kissed Jane again, a little more forcefully this time to make Jane finally believe her.

She watched Jane carefully, witnessing every bit of the slow dawn of reality strike her.

"Maura?" Jane asked, awed that she was literally there.

Maura smiled, "I'm right here, Jane. I'll always be right here."


End file.
